Over the past 2 days I have copied over 50 entries from a bunny diary that I had as a kid into here. It was interesting to read it all, but was also depressing. It was interesting because I could see the rise of a lot of the conflicts today. There were a lot of entries when I was 10 and then a bunch when I was 13. I can see the difference in my way of thinking between the 3 years. I actually see a lot of how my thoughts changed over the year when I was 13. That was kinda when my family fell apart. It shows the conflict I felt toward my dad and everything in general.
Anyways, I really want to just sit and write right now but I can't. I feel like I am forcing words to come out. Like I have had so much stuff going on in my head the past week because I am home from school. I am on our 2 week fall break. At home I am surrounded by all the issues that my mom has and all of the issues of the family. It is hard to hear about it constantly. Anyways, I was really hoping to write about some of it tonight since I have been putting stuff in my blog, but my mind has completely blocked everything out. Its kinda annoying when I do that but it is a defense mechanism. Its a weird feeling because I know that there are so many things that I should be thinking about but I can't actually think about any single one. They are just all there, but accessible. I guess I am going to stop then because there is no point in rambling when I can't think of what I want to say.

Dearest Cat!

I am so sorry that I haven't been on in so long! I pray you are well. I assure you that I have never forgotten you. *hugs*

I did read that entry you thought I would find interesting. Indeed it was. What caught my eye was your line about it being better to not believe than to be a hypocrite. My dear, I assure you that we are all hypocrites! Every single person on earth from every background and religion. It's ok! We all mess up! No one will ever meet perfection, that's why God doesn't expect perfection from us. Hence the brith, life, and death of the Messiah Jesus Christ. You know of the logic of which I speak, no? Please do not feel that it is better to be and unbeliever than a hypocrite. No dear one, for to not believe is an eternity of flames, worms, darkness. To believe and make mistakes, that is what we all do! We are not perfect, no matter how many act like it.

*hugs* Dear Cat! I pray I find you well and I desperately hope to hear from you soon!

I love you!

-Kate